If I had to describe One Direction’s music in four words I would say, “gay as hell, horny”. Gay as hell, I’ve discussed before but it’s horny time baby.
One Direction wasn’t the first boyband to be horny (Am I sexual? Yeaaaahhhhh) but there was just a certain je ne sais quoi about the ways in which they were. Dare I reference my previous 1D thoughts again, but was it the Ways in which they interacted with each other? Was it pushed by the 10x hornier fans, fainting at the slightest flex of Harry’s muscles? Was it Teenage Dirtbag (One Direction’s Version)? I mean I think it’s a combination of all those things, alongside the usual boyband algorithm of cute boys + coy, vaguely sexual lyrics + a belief that they’re singing about you.
Now without further ado, Liz’s favourite horny One Direction songs – I refuse to rank them, they’re all perfect to me.
Hey, I don't want you to be the one that got away
I want to get addicted to you, yeah
You're rushing through my mind, I wanna feel the high
I wanna be addicted, don't say no, just let go
During the great One Direction renaissance of 2020, due to the combination of quarantine and the upcoming 10-year anniversary of the band, WDWGT got a lot of hate from the girlies. They said it was misogynistic and had bad vibes a la Blurred Lines, specifically due to the lyrics “say the word, say the word but don't say no,” which was argued was a little too coercive.
And like, yeah, I get it. But also, isn’t this kind of vibe the whole point of sexy boyband songs? As a young person discovering and exploring your sexuality you want to feel, well, wanted! You want to feel desired! It’s not about the reality, the black and white understanding of the lyrics, it’s the wish-fulfillment. It’s imaging someone as dreamy as 2013 Zayn Malik asking you to go there with him. It’s hormonal, acne-ridden, teenage you being desired by the most desirable boys in the world. It’s a fantasy baby, and why don’t we go there?
Your body's saying everything, I don't have to read your mind
Feel you on my neck while I'm calling a taxi
Climbing over me while I climb in the backseat
Now we're taking off, now we're taking it off tonight
Made In the AM is a lot of things: a goodbye album (despite what the boys may have said), a bookend to a magnificent run, and One Direction declaring themselves as whores and going out with a bang. How else can you describe Love You Goodbye (honorary horny mention) and the one-night stand anthem that is Temporary Fix?
The emotional rollercoaster of going from the beautiful, bittersweet History in which the boys say a kind of goodbye, reminiscing and noting the history they have together and with the fans, to the “We can roll in the darkness, let me touch you where your heart is” shamelessness! It’s no wonder everyone believes the Niall Japan rumours considering he was the sole band member that was a writer on this song.
One thing that I appreciate about Temporary Fix, however, is that it’s not about the boys. They’re not asking you to go there, or to live while you’re young, or or or. They’re offering to be your temporary fix. They want to be your vice. They want you to own them, to be your goodnight. I know the bar is on the ground, but there’s just something about a group of dreamy boyband members offering to be yours as opposed to begging for the reverse. 1D said feminism.
Let's go crazy, crazy, crazy 'til we see the sun
I know we only met but let's pretend it's love
And never, never, never stop for anyone
Tonight let's get some and live while we're young
I was walking down King Edward, headed to the Rideau Centre, beginning my first year of university when I got a text from my best friend Sam: ONE DIRECTION SAYS TONIGHT LETS GET SOME IN THEIR NEW SONG
And reader, they sure did. It’s so interesting the things that stick with you.
LWWY has a slight innocence to it that’s deeply charming. It’s sweet and a little unsure of itself. It’s never done this before but you know, if you get together just make sure the pictures don’t leave your phone! Perhaps it’s due to when it was released, but to me, LWWY is that first taste of freedom, the first taste of infatuation, the first taste of Barcardi Breezer that will absolutely make you barf the next day but hey, let’s live while we’re young.
Taste, on my tongue
I don't want to wash away the night before
In the heat, where you lay
I could stay right here and burn in it all day
Arguably the horniest song of all time? Or is that a bit of a stretch – too bad I don’t care! Louis Tomlinson conning his bandmates into singing about his morning wood is the greatest thing to happen to me and I have to assume all of you as well.
But it’s not just the boner of it all – “Still a trace of innocence on the pillow case”? What is with this band and leaving “traces”? Much to think about.
No Control also is horny for me personally because it’s Louis-led and features a banger of a Zayn bridge. Liz bait baby, Liz bait.
BONUS:
Better Than Words, but specifically this:
Till next time!
xoxo, Liz